Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
