So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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