Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
When are your genitals available?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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