It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
