lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Someone came in the potted fern
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
