do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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