I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
