the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
