Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize