haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
