Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
