I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
