just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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