Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
time to smoke my breakfast
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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