that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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