he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
