Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
