If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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