Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
