i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
