Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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