I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
