Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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