You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
