Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
