is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How does one acquire holy water?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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