so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
