R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
