I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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