Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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