you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
