I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
