i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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