The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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