I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
