the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
