You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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