College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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