I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
