great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
