My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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