All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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