told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
