What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
