There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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