it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
