And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize