I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
