Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
home. puking in laundry basket.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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