I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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