Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
