I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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