I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
