Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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