i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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