dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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