I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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