just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
