I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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