saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
