Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
