Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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