once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
