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Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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