As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
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