I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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